These authors are from all over the world, from different parts of the country with differentreligios and non-religious backgrounds. What do these women have in common? Pull up a chair and listen (most of them are authors of your favorite romance novels!)
1. I was taught to never go to bed angry. The argument only festers.
2. Marriage is like a good job. If you want to keep it, you have to work at it.
3. Compromise is essential.
4. Never spend more than what you have. :-)
Never take your mate for granted.
You've heard it said marriage should be a 50/50 deal. When in reality it's a 100/100/100 You, your spouse and God. That's how two become one a union cannot be made, IMHO, without love, prayer, patience, communication, consideration, compromise and forgiveness and laughter, (but not at the expense of each other)
Shadowed Dreams -- http://tinyurl.com/94vzlao
When you are frustrated or angry with your spouse or feeling like you don’t want to be married, think back to all of the things that made you fall in love with him/her. Love is a choice, sometimes we must choose to love when things are bad, but by remember why you fell in love in the first place, it often rekindles that spark. Also, ask God to renew you passion for your spouse each day
The one piece of advice I'd give that I believe has helped me and Hubby reach year 19 is... remember you're friends and laugh together, a lot.
Oh, and hold hands whenever possible.
Avoiding an issue doesn't make it go away. If anything, avoiding an issue compounds it. You have to be open to each other, no matter what the other person has to say, even and especially if it's bad or worrisome.
This is for men especially... sometimes when we tell you something is bothering us, it's not because we want you to fix it. We just want you to listen, and in the talking, the solution can come on its own.
And remember, you chose this person to be with for life. There was a reason for that. :-)
My husband and I have been together 21 years this past August, married 20 1/2. :-)
After 21 years of marriage (21 years on 14 NOV this year) I have this advice:
Don't sacrifice your precious time to clean up after him - you need sleep, too. Now I'm getting close to 6 hours sleep a day. :)
Be firm - tell him you're going to sleep so he'll: take the kids to school, pick up the kids from school and and take the kids to their after school activties.
Let the dishes pile up in the sink and get your sleep. He'll eventually get the hint when you run out of dishes and load them in the dishwasher.
Don't run yourself down to the point where you are missing sleep and get a migrine. It will only freak you - and him out. :)
Communication is big. Even if you're on opposite schedules and opposite days off find ways to talk - even if it's just to send a text message saying "Hi - how are you doing."
Make "couple" time without the kids. It can be a challenge with our modern schedules, but it's so important to keeping a marriage happy.
Get your sleep so you're not a shrew. Let him get his sleep so he's not a grump.
When we hit a rocky spot, and you will too eventually, we sat across a small table, held hands and looked each other in the eye as we talked. It took more "talks" than we ever thought, but staring at each other was great. Sometimes we would wind up in bed. Other times we would laugh. Mostly it was serious communication, but we got through it. (He has really nice eyes. I had forgotten.
Remember that out of all the gin joints, or places he or she hangs out, he chose you and believe it or not, you agreed to it. Treat him like it, your knight in shining armor, and tell him because we all need a bit of reaffirmation at times.
After 45 years, I would agree with what has been written. Marriage is definitely a 100% give and take all the way around.
Tom and I share in the house keeping, the cooking, the dishes, the laundry, the groceries, you name it. It wasn’t always that way. But that’s what happens when you become best friends.
To me a husband and wife MUST become best friends, though it doesn’t happen overnight. We earn the trust of one another as the years progress.
When my husband and I had our first argument, he insisted we not go to bed angry. My mother had always shut my father out of the bedroom. We said, "Daddy's in the dog house", and sometimes it lasted for weeks, but my husband was having none of that, and it worked for us. We always found a way to talk through any disagreement before kissing good night.
P.S. That goodnight kiss is important to. This has kept us together for over sixty years.
Having worked with abused children and spouses and seen pretty much everything in over two decades of social work, I can say one thing for sure... Never marry a man who hates his mother. He will abuse you and possibly also the children. Men that hate their mothers turn on the women in their lives. It's pretty much a universal concept that without intervention does not change.
For more about who asked the question and what she posted on her blog, visit http://pattyfroese.com/on Nov. 19th.