Ode de' Tiki Torch

I get a call the other night from my friend & she tells me that her neighbors had been complaining that her dogs keep been barking non-stop. We already had the conversation about how we hate the electric zapping bark collars, so I suggested her purchasing a humane citronella collar, that way when the dogs barked, it shot out a blast of citronella under their nose and they don't like it. This morning she calls and asks me to come over & help her figure this crazy thing out. So I get dressed & walk over there. I was getting the collars ready and filled them with their stuff. And that's where my morning should have ended. But no, it's me, and I begin to become curious as to how said collars work. 


Now I'm standing on her back porch "barking" at the dog's collar. Nothing happens. I make sure it's turned on, check the fill level, and go through the "getting started" checklist one more time. Again, I bark. Nothing happens. She’s getting worried that they are defective and can’t take them back because we opened & filled them. 

Now I'm not quite sure, why I had this next thought, but I did; I put on the collar. I seriously extended the band and fit the growl box against my throat and barked. Apparently, the collar only works if it feels vibrations because I immediately received a blast of citronella to the face. 


I began coughing, which only caused the collar to continue to squirt bug spray over and over into my nasal cavity.I'm now on my hands and knees in my backyard, trying to breathe, and to make matters worse, the dogs are now barking. So between coughing and yelling at her & the dogs to shut up, I've emptied over a dozen blasts of citronella to my face. During all of this ruckus, I'm trying to undo the clasp of the collar, which has somehow managed to weld shut during this whole fiasco. She’s of no help! Trying to get the dogs inside & get scissors to cut the damn thing off me before I die. 


I finally get the collar off and threw, yes I threw that crazy (inhumane) thing across the yard, and lay in the gravel sucking in the cool morning air. In the middle of thinking this probably the dumbest thing I've done in a while, I hear laughter. HER NEIGHBOR SAW THE WHOLE THING! He was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe. Between gasps, he tells me,"I was gonna come help, but every time I started to climb over the fence, you'd set it off again and then I would start laughing and couldn't make it" So now, not only are my eyes red, but my face and ears are too. After checking to make sure I was ok, we parted ways and I went in to wash my face so I wouldn't be smelling like ode de' Tiki Torch.


So lesson learned: next time (yes, there will always be a next time with me) make sure that 1. Don't fill the collar before trying to set it off and B. Remember your neighbor is not a good source of help in a comedy crisis situation. On the plus side, I didn't have a mosquito problem for a few days!.....and now that even though this does sound like something I'd do I hate to break the news that it's a copied story.

2017 ANWA Conference Class by Julie Berry “Authentic Emotion: How Writing from Inside the Body Pulls the Reader into your Character’s Wants, Needs, and Suffering”

Readers want to have a body experience more than a brain experience. Dramatize intellectual processes through character action. Describing your body shows its connection to the setting.

Imagine that your body is underwater. Describe what each part of your body feels from your toes to the top of your head. Note how your body interacts with the water. Don’t use the word “feel.”

GOALS of Writing from Inside the Body: 1) Develop a mindful awareness of how your body is feeling in every situation. Motion/emotion; Action/reaction. 2) Lookout for fresh new ways of describing how your body moves and feels. 3) Break the habit of analytical telling how your character feels.

Sharpen your reactions. For instance, smell is the most overlooked sense in writing. Smells are wrapped up in mood, memory, and emotions. She said of all of the senses, smell has the shortest path to the brain. Pay attention to what you smell and how it affects you.

Exercise: Imagine sharpening pencils. What does it smell like? What does it remind you of? You might begin to question: How are pencils made? Who came up with them?

Her emphasis was on tuning into sensory details so we can create better moods and settings for our stories. We want to write in such a way that our readers empathize with our characters.

Descriptive words related to the body: Skin: soft, wrinkles, veiny hands, calloused Temperature: sticky clothes, breeze tickling our arms Fluids: sweat, tears, blood Sickness: fever, queasiness

Physical/Emotional Pain: throbbing, drumming, cramping. Both types are managed in the same place in the brain—prolonged emotional pain brings actual physical pain. Manifest emotional pain with bodily symptoms.

Picture a character in your WIP. Observe her body language. Act out her actions. Avoid thoughts about thoughts. Don’t label emotions. Stop talking and show blood! Don’t diagnose your characters.

OOOOooooo...

Haapppyyy Hhhaaalloooweeen

4 Good Reasons to Hit a Woman.

4 Good Reasons For A Man To Hit A Woman

Lately, there has been much discussion about violence against women by the men in their life. Many have said there is never a good reason for a man to strike a woman but I disagree and today I am speaking out! I have six sons and I have taught them what my father taught my brothers and I: there are four good reasons for a man to hit the woman he loves;
1. Fire. If you look over at the woman you love and discover flames have overtaken your girl, you should absolutely knock her to the ground and start rolling her around.
2. Spider. If your princess discovers a spider wandering across her shoulder and with sheer terror in her voice says “GET. IT. Off! You should smack that 8 legged sucker right off of her.
3. Choking. If over dinner she begins to laugh at another one of your amazingly funny stories and in the process, lodges a bit of her steak in her throat, you have my full support to yank her out of her chair, spin her around and start squeezing her beneath her rib-cage until she spits up!
4. Train. If, while enjoying a peaceful, after dinner walk with your lover, you notice she has wandered into the path of a quickly approaching oncoming train, by all means, grab her by her arm and like the strong man you are, yank her backwards aggressively.

Absent the presence of fire, spiders, choking or trains, dad taught us boys there is never, ever, ever, ever, ever a justifiable reason for a man to strike a woman. Period. He said real men don’t do it. He then added this important definition about being a ‘real man’ which I want to share with all men today;

“Real men don’t allow other men to hit women either.”

I call upon my brothers-in-manhood everywhere to join with me in ZERO TOLERANCE for violence against women. Don’t hit and don’t tolerate hitting. That woman you see getting abused by her “man”, at the club or in the parking lot or even, oh let’s say, an elevator; intervene. Put yourself between the abuser and the victim. Is that dangerous? Could be. But it’s what a real man would do. Always remind yourself when you witness violence on a woman- that is somebody’s mother, daughter or sister.
Just for the record, it IS your business if you decide to make it your business. In the Dunn household, my sons know we consider the safety of other women, our personal business, whether the abuser likes it or not.
Lastly, a note to the abused women of the world- do not take one more punch, slap or kick from any man. There is NOTHING that makes it okay. Stop making excuses for him. He is a broken man and needs to be repaired before he is worthy of spending another second in your presence. Insist on it.

5 Bad Reasons Women Let Men Hit Them;
1. “He was drunk”. So what? He will be drunk again. And although I have personally never been drunk, I know many people who do occasionally get intoxicated- NONE of them hit their women. Your husband or boyfriend is not NORMAL. Stop trying to convince yourself he is.
2. “He’s under a lot of stress”. Real men deal with stress by hitting the gym, hitting a golf ball or even hitting the buffet. They do NOT hit women. Stress is not a gateway emotion to violence for healthy, normal men.
3. “I deserved it”. What???? No. There is nothing you or any woman can do to validate violence against you. Maybe you have done something so bad he leaves you, but violence is not on the list of options for him to choose from when he is upset. NEVER AN OPTION.
4. “His dad abused his mom. It’s all he knows.” When I hear that statement, it makes me throw up a little in my mouth. So what if he witnessed abuse as a child?? If anything, he knows better than others the hurt and pain that comes from abuse. In life we witness lots of things that are bad but we don’t then go integrate them into our own lives. If your man abuses you because he witness abuse, let him go witness therapy. Let him go witness a support group. Let him go witness life alone without you and the children.
5. “It was only once. He apologized.” Statistics say that where there is a “first time”, there is a second time. Your response to the “first time” needs to send an incredibly clear message to your “man” that there will be no second time. Send that message so clearly it haunts him. Make a bold statement with action attached. It is the ‘action’ that will signal the level of your seriousness. That might be calling the police, it might be moving out for a week or two, it might be telling him to leave for a week or require immediate counseling. Your words to him after being hit MUST be followed up with immediate action to reinforce the true level of intolerance you have for violence against yourself.

You might be shocked to learn that someone in your life is an abuser, which means somebody in your life is a victim. Rather than guessing who it might be, just share this article with everyone so it reaches the ones who need to hear it most.
Abusers, be on notice- I’m watching. My sons are watching. And millions of other real men are watching. We WILL defend and protect your wife, your mother and your sister….even from you.

Troy Dunn
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@thelocator