The engine idled smoothly and Jakob could feel the vibration through the seat. He reached for the keys and the rumbling motor suddenly went silent.
"What's wrong," said Meri.
Jakob looked over at her. Moonlight poured in through the window, haloing her hair, and her widened eyes sparkled in the darkness. She was so beautiful.
"There's something I need to tell you, but I don't know how." He sighed heavily and then whispered. "Crud, I don't even know if I should."
Meri turned her body toward him and scooted against the car door. "It sounds important."
Jakob pressed his lips together. "It's just, if I don't say something, I'm afraid I'll regret it. And things might... change between us."
She shook her head. "Change how?"
"You'll find someone else."
Meri covered her mouth and turned away, hiding her face from him.
Her reaction startled Jakob. It wasn't what he'd expected -- not that he knew what to expect. He had no idea what she was thinking, but he'd started this and he had to finish it -- even if it ended up breaking his heart. With Meri cowering in the seat beside him, that seemed likely.
Get it over with.
Jakob stared straight ahead and forced himself to continue. "I know this is crazy, and we can't do anything about it -- not that you'd even want to." He bit his lip, and then let out a sigh, puffing his cheeks.
Say it.
"I'm in love with you, Meri. I'm a hundred percent in love with you." He looked over to see if his words made any difference. Meri stayed hunkered down, covering her face with her hands.
His heart toppled from a cliff -- falling... falling. What have I done?
"Meri, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."
She didn't move.
"I'm an idiot, okay. A complete fool!" He swallowed away his humiliation, and reached for the keys in the ignition. "I'll take you home, and I won't bother you again."
Her hand covered his as he started to turn the keys. Jakob looked at her and was shocked to see tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Oh, Meri." The pain in her eyes tore at him. "I didn't mean to make you cry." He touched her cheek and gently wiped her tears. They fell faster. Jakob reached with his other hand, cupping her face and tried to catch them as they spilled over the rims of her eyes. Her bottom lip trembled, drawing his gaze as she mouthed the words, 'I love you'.
His heart stilled. She loved him.
Jakob drew her to him and found himself overcome by the feel of her lips beneath his, tasting the saltiness of her tears, inhaling the sweetness of her skin. There was so much that he wanted to tell her, show her...give her. He had no words to express, so he used his kisses to convey all that he dreamed.
She responded with equal passion, telling him what she felt but couldn't say.
When their need for breath overcame their need for each other, they rested their heads together. Meri's tears still flowed, and Jakob stroked her hair.
"What are we going to do, Jakob? I can't be without you."
Jakob kissed her forehead. "It's okay," he said, running his fingers through her hair. "It's gonna be okay. We'll find a way to make this work." He tipped her chin to look into her eyes. "I can't be without you, either."
The night became deafeningly quiet, as if all life had abandoned -- except his and Meri's. In his heart Jakob understood that the price of being together was to be cut off from everyone else. To keep this secret he must erect a wall. He'd been there before. He could do it again.
Which do you think is more romantic, today's scene or the one posted yesterday?
15 comments:
I like the scene from yesterday, it's very sweet, but when reading it broken out of the book, Jakob and Meri could have any relation to each other. When it comes to romance, I'd put my money on the kiss. :-)
Today's excerpt also makes me very curious about the book and the people. The price of being together is to be cut off from everyone else? Intriguing!
I like both, I think I like today's better - more emotion, more impact on me as a reader.
Like I teased yesterday...I like todays better. Maybe because I've been there and I can see it so clearly.
Both scenes are sensual, today's scene has more romance.
Margaret Turley
I don't want to choose! Both are tension-filled. Today's is more satisfying but the last paragraph leaves me wanting to read more. Love your settings, the characters. They are great!
I think today's scene holds greater romantic tension. More is at stake so I am drawn in. My vote is for this scene (beautifully written, Shawna). :)
hmmm, I'm still intrigued by the first one for sheer sensuality. Romance has to belong to the second.
EJ Lane
Today's scene is definitely more tensioned filled, in my opinion. I like the setup, and the last paragraph gave us something to chew on for what's coming up. Good job!
I think the hallmark of a good scene (and a great writer) is the visceral response it evokes from the reader. You've done really well with both scenes.
In the first, you can hear the rain and smell the freshness on the breeze. Living in Texas where we have amazing thunderstorms, I especially liked how you talked about the crescendo and decrescendo of the rain, like a symphony. Great writing. On the love scene scale, I'd call it a warm, safe fuzzy. A guy who can find peace in the sound of rain? He's a keeper.
That said, your scene today makes yesterday's pale in comparison. You've done the same great job putting the reader in the car, feeling the rumble, tasting the tears, etc., but more importantly, (for me, anyway), the passion and the torment tied my gut up in a knot from the moment Meri hid her face in her hands.
It's an "Oh no! [leaning in to the computer monitor] Something's wrong here, but it's not supposed to be! They have to work this out or I'll die!" type of response. On the love scene scale, it's at the top of the two-edged sword but worth the sacrifice variety.
And, yet again, the reader is wondering in their head, "Is it really worth it? Would I make the same decision?" That's why these types of scenes/ relationships are the best, because it takes control of not only the physical but the emotional senses of the reader.
I love a book that gets me so twisted up emotionally that I clap it shut, but I open it again the next moment because I have to get through to the resolution.
Very nice writing indeed. I can't wait to read the whole thing.
I LOVE yesterdays rain scene I could so feel it, though the romance is very subtle, they could almost be friends, because even friends hold hands sometime or think the other looks great in a tight white tee.
Today's scene had the feelings spelled out in words but I didn't really feel it. I guess I need to be shown (without being too explicit) the passion, the love not told about it. Maybe describe a bit more the salty wet teary kisses mingled with his spiciness or her sweetness as the warm night air cocoons them in it's sheltering embrace. It did leave me wanting to read more and left me intrigued about what is keeping them apart.
So my vote is for yesterday because I could feel it.
Nice work. Look forward to reading more of your writings.
Wonderful comments ladies. More are truly welcome!
So much more drama today. I loved yesterday's, but I agree it was much more generic.
Meri seemed a little weak with her cowering in the corner. Since we don't really know much about her with the little we see, it makes me wonder what Jakob sees in her.
Other than that, great kiss(es)!
Wow, Shaunna. The emotion in today's is almost palatable. I could feel the depth of it. The imediate answer for romance, I think would be a kiss scene. But there is so much more here than just a kiss. You really learn something about both of these characters just from this one short section. She is timid and reserved, he is determined despite his fears. They seem to have know each other for some time, and the romance blooms from a friendship. All this I gleaned from this scene. I've become emotionally involved with the characters. When you can make the reader feel it, that's when i think you've written a highly successful and romantic scene. Beyond the romance of a kiss, there is depth, sweetness and power in the excerpt.
Would I spoil it too much if I told you the issue is that she's his teacher? Lol!
The premise of this book is finding normal after everything has changed. It's 1947, the wounds of war are still fresh. Jakob's parents (German immigrants) were interned during the war and the family lost their home. Jakob dropped out of high school to care for his siblings during the war. Meri's world has changed because of new liberties for women, but she battles against a domineering family who expect her to do and be exactly as they say.
Jakob and Meri are very close in age, but the dynamics between them are all skewed in this new life after the war.
Thanks all! I absolutely LOVED hearing your comments!
I really like the comments on the second day. Much more drama and romance to keep the reader interested.
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