2017 ANWA Conference Class by Julie Berry “Authentic Emotion: How Writing from Inside the Body Pulls the Reader into your Character’s Wants, Needs, and Suffering”

Readers want to have a body experience more than a brain experience. Dramatize intellectual processes through character action. Describing your body shows its connection to the setting.

Imagine that your body is underwater. Describe what each part of your body feels from your toes to the top of your head. Note how your body interacts with the water. Don’t use the word “feel.”

GOALS of Writing from Inside the Body: 1) Develop a mindful awareness of how your body is feeling in every situation. Motion/emotion; Action/reaction. 2) Lookout for fresh new ways of describing how your body moves and feels. 3) Break the habit of analytical telling how your character feels.

Sharpen your reactions. For instance, smell is the most overlooked sense in writing. Smells are wrapped up in mood, memory, and emotions. She said of all of the senses, smell has the shortest path to the brain. Pay attention to what you smell and how it affects you.

Exercise: Imagine sharpening pencils. What does it smell like? What does it remind you of? You might begin to question: How are pencils made? Who came up with them?

Her emphasis was on tuning into sensory details so we can create better moods and settings for our stories. We want to write in such a way that our readers empathize with our characters.

Descriptive words related to the body: Skin: soft, wrinkles, veiny hands, calloused Temperature: sticky clothes, breeze tickling our arms Fluids: sweat, tears, blood Sickness: fever, queasiness

Physical/Emotional Pain: throbbing, drumming, cramping. Both types are managed in the same place in the brain—prolonged emotional pain brings actual physical pain. Manifest emotional pain with bodily symptoms.

Picture a character in your WIP. Observe her body language. Act out her actions. Avoid thoughts about thoughts. Don’t label emotions. Stop talking and show blood! Don’t diagnose your characters.

OOOOooooo...

Haapppyyy Hhhaaalloooweeen

4 Good Reasons to Hit a Woman.

4 Good Reasons For A Man To Hit A Woman

Lately, there has been much discussion about violence against women by the men in their life. Many have said there is never a good reason for a man to strike a woman but I disagree and today I am speaking out! I have six sons and I have taught them what my father taught my brothers and I: there are four good reasons for a man to hit the woman he loves;
1. Fire. If you look over at the woman you love and discover flames have overtaken your girl, you should absolutely knock her to the ground and start rolling her around.
2. Spider. If your princess discovers a spider wandering across her shoulder and with sheer terror in her voice says “GET. IT. Off! You should smack that 8 legged sucker right off of her.
3. Choking. If over dinner she begins to laugh at another one of your amazingly funny stories and in the process, lodges a bit of her steak in her throat, you have my full support to yank her out of her chair, spin her around and start squeezing her beneath her rib-cage until she spits up!
4. Train. If, while enjoying a peaceful, after dinner walk with your lover, you notice she has wandered into the path of a quickly approaching oncoming train, by all means, grab her by her arm and like the strong man you are, yank her backwards aggressively.

Absent the presence of fire, spiders, choking or trains, dad taught us boys there is never, ever, ever, ever, ever a justifiable reason for a man to strike a woman. Period. He said real men don’t do it. He then added this important definition about being a ‘real man’ which I want to share with all men today;

“Real men don’t allow other men to hit women either.”

I call upon my brothers-in-manhood everywhere to join with me in ZERO TOLERANCE for violence against women. Don’t hit and don’t tolerate hitting. That woman you see getting abused by her “man”, at the club or in the parking lot or even, oh let’s say, an elevator; intervene. Put yourself between the abuser and the victim. Is that dangerous? Could be. But it’s what a real man would do. Always remind yourself when you witness violence on a woman- that is somebody’s mother, daughter or sister.
Just for the record, it IS your business if you decide to make it your business. In the Dunn household, my sons know we consider the safety of other women, our personal business, whether the abuser likes it or not.
Lastly, a note to the abused women of the world- do not take one more punch, slap or kick from any man. There is NOTHING that makes it okay. Stop making excuses for him. He is a broken man and needs to be repaired before he is worthy of spending another second in your presence. Insist on it.

5 Bad Reasons Women Let Men Hit Them;
1. “He was drunk”. So what? He will be drunk again. And although I have personally never been drunk, I know many people who do occasionally get intoxicated- NONE of them hit their women. Your husband or boyfriend is not NORMAL. Stop trying to convince yourself he is.
2. “He’s under a lot of stress”. Real men deal with stress by hitting the gym, hitting a golf ball or even hitting the buffet. They do NOT hit women. Stress is not a gateway emotion to violence for healthy, normal men.
3. “I deserved it”. What???? No. There is nothing you or any woman can do to validate violence against you. Maybe you have done something so bad he leaves you, but violence is not on the list of options for him to choose from when he is upset. NEVER AN OPTION.
4. “His dad abused his mom. It’s all he knows.” When I hear that statement, it makes me throw up a little in my mouth. So what if he witnessed abuse as a child?? If anything, he knows better than others the hurt and pain that comes from abuse. In life we witness lots of things that are bad but we don’t then go integrate them into our own lives. If your man abuses you because he witness abuse, let him go witness therapy. Let him go witness a support group. Let him go witness life alone without you and the children.
5. “It was only once. He apologized.” Statistics say that where there is a “first time”, there is a second time. Your response to the “first time” needs to send an incredibly clear message to your “man” that there will be no second time. Send that message so clearly it haunts him. Make a bold statement with action attached. It is the ‘action’ that will signal the level of your seriousness. That might be calling the police, it might be moving out for a week or two, it might be telling him to leave for a week or require immediate counseling. Your words to him after being hit MUST be followed up with immediate action to reinforce the true level of intolerance you have for violence against yourself.

You might be shocked to learn that someone in your life is an abuser, which means somebody in your life is a victim. Rather than guessing who it might be, just share this article with everyone so it reaches the ones who need to hear it most.
Abusers, be on notice- I’m watching. My sons are watching. And millions of other real men are watching. We WILL defend and protect your wife, your mother and your sister….even from you.

Troy Dunn
www.fb.com/troythelocator
@thelocator

Tooot Toot

It is my turn to toot my own horn, or in this case, that of my son.

Please notice who the  young man is...Sean Gonzales! that's my boy and he is gunning for a state championship and looking for a scholarship to pay for his education after serving for two years for our church.

Oh I wish that this was clear enough for you to read. It asks him what his favorite class is. His answer: Choir.

Let me scare you.

Come with me my pretties...

When is it correct to use "one's"?

One can only wonder how: It can be difficult to follow in the footsteps of one’s predecessors even if that is one’s greatest desire. 
OR
It can be difficult to follow in the footsteps of your predecessors even if that is your greatest desire.

The question here in the use of "one's".

It is my understanding that the use of 'one's' is used when writing to a more formal group. So the question is: "Who are you writing to?" Are you writing to a professor or are you writing to a group of generally educated to the eighth grade level of readership? If the former is who you are writing to and presumably a higher class of readership, than the use of 'one's' in your writing is correct. but if you are writing to the general readership, the second without the use of 'ones' would be correct.

It's FORMAL analytical essay for my instructor - so the use of 'one's' is correct.

Thus my question of the use of 'one's' is concluded.

Let me share a little Halloween with you.

 Okay, as you venture into my house.

Meet someone with PTSD.

I recently saw this on Facebook and had to share it here.

More Tidbits

"Writer's block is really writer's fear...the fear never goes away, but work puts it in its place."

~#JulieBerry

Hemingway.... Write the one perfect sentence. I love that advice. I can write one...

What I'm gleaning from the conferencer

"Don't try to write *the* book. Just write *a* book." ~Julie Berry

This statement in her key note speech last night spoke to me. I've allowed the pressure and expectation of *the* book--the one book that will change everything, the special book. . . the perfect book--to actually paralyze my writing. When she said this I realized what I had been doing, and I suddenly felt a wave of freedom. And, for the first time in months, I wanted to start working on my book again.

Maybe that was the difference. It went from being *the* book to *my* book last night, and I am filled with a newfound enthusiasm and joy! - Michelle Wilson

I love the way this was expressed. and I can't agree more. I know Michelle has several books released. they are good books in their own rights. One of them sits here on my desk, half-read. Don't worry, I'll get to it. I never before realized that other authors have the same struggles I do;. It has been a couple of weeks since I truly delved into my book. I know where it is going and how it will get there, I just haven't written it and this is why--I've been thinking about it all wrong.

Thank you Julie Berry for putting words to my feelings.#Julie Berry.

Her Halfback Hero

https://www.smashwords.com/books/search?query=Her+Halfback+Hero

Freebie

Yes, its true--I'm giving away one copy of your choice (See the Rafflecopter insert on the side.) This is to promote my most recent book. The Talisman - Cross Over. I'm quite proud of my latest "baby" with its ins and outs in timer travel.

Away for Awhile.

So I've been away for awhile but now I'm back. I just created a slideshow over on YouTube. You can see it on  https://youtu.be/GuLGBkHWqUc I haven't seen it yet and I'm going there now to do so. Come on with me and we will both be surprised! Okay, I've seen it and it is quite short. You need to be aware that the three titles: In Harm's Way, In Her Hands, and His Choice are part of Live, Love, Repeat.

I know I've been away for a while, but I've been busy, I promise I have been. I guess the old say of 'No news is good news.' applies here. As I check my Smashwords this morning I see that my free book The Talisman Crisscross is nearing a thousand downloads. That's 3 copies a day. And I'm hustling to get my second one in the series,  The Talisman: Cross Over done so that my readers can get it. Wish me luck! I still need to do the cover, or have it done for me. Hoping to have that done by the weeks end. Hum...I wonder how my book is doing over on Amazon...
This next time travel episode (yes, I said episode so hang on to your socks for future installments.) will not be free. I don't know quite what the price will be, but it will be.

Oh, okay so its too late to wish you a happy St. Patrick's Day and too early to wish you happy egg hunting, so I'll wish you a happy time shift as in happy daylight savings day. Right? Okay, not that one either so I'll have to think on it for a while. Oh, how about a happy reading of my new time-travel book (if you haven't read it yet) you will want to 'cause I'm thinking the second one in the series will be out real soon, maybe the end of April or in May. Let's see if I can come up with a good cover for it. Woo who  I'll go a hunting...

PART 2 –INFO DUMPS

Okay, you should now have a feeling about how to run through your existing novel and help blend the line expository with action. Let’s move onto the tougher expository: The huge info dumps that really should be weaved into the story.

Like I said before… these really need to be worked on at the outline stage. There are elements of your character and plot that should be offered to reader slowly throughout the novel, and this should be broken down and planned on during your structure phase. A little bit about her love of dogs here, a funny odor that surrounds her here, the fact that she woofs sometime sin her sleep there… and ¾ through the book, oh right, she’s a werewolf. That makes sense! Not… normal girl, normal girl, normal girl… Grrr, roar, I’m a warewolf! Because: blah blah blah blah.

But there are going to be times when you’re reading your ms, and you realize that you totally info-dumped and it’s a huge, throbbing paragraph of all this info that reads like an encyclopedia. So… what can you do? You break it down… and find numerous places for a little bit at a time.

Example 1

Her hair whipped her face, as she stood upon the cliff’s edge watching the ship slowly approach the harbor. She wore little, just a fringed skirt over her legs and moccasins on her feet… her culture allowed it, being  Powhatan meant staying cool in the hot summers of Virginia. Her face painted with red striped markings and her chest garnished with bone beads, she had taken a break from gathering berries for the stew her tribe would cook all day long, adding to it where they were able. Her people were peaceful, worshiping Ahoe, the creator god through tradition, but would war if forced. The Indian girl standing on the cliff that day felt the darkness of war within the ship’s shadow as it lumbered slowly towards the beach.

Let’s break it down:

1. Can you add certain info elsewhere?  Being Powatan and living in Virginia (I feel) can be offered elsewhere.

2. “Cooking all day long” – I get that it is the traditional way the Powatan’s cooked stew, but maybe this line could be scrubbed with a simple adjective. Ie: she had taken a break from gathering berries for the tribal stew.

3. Could their form of worship be offered as dialogue, in a conversation she has with a friend or family member

4. And could their peacefulness be witnessed instead of told.

Example 2

Jenny was from a broken home. Her mother left when she was 3, and her father had the neighbor babysit her soon after and never came back. She was put into foster care, but proved a difficult child and was shipped from one home to the next, finally winding up permanently in a group home at the ripe old age of 8. Which only hardened her more of course, as nasty fights and group torture were a form of entertainment and even currency at Bellville Home For Girls.  Run by a group of apathetic and borderline-seedy priests, Jenny learned quickly it was her and her alone she had to focus on, to take care of.  She started fighting to win if pounced, fighting dirty, nasty, horribly, and she quickly learned NEVER to regret it. The one time her kind instinct popped up and she held back, stopped hitting for blood, and tried to speak instead, she was almost beaten to death by another 11 year old.

1. Obviously, cut broken home.

2. We can hear that she hopped around, from the kids in the home.

3. See group home at 8 when she arrives, and witness the savageness of it.

4. See kindness, or hear about it.

So basically, if we want to be hardcore about this paragraph, it can be bought down to this:

“Her mother left when she was 3, and her father had the neighbor babysit her soon after and never came back”

Kinds of Expose

We just saw a bunch of expose across the board… expose blended into a scene, action instead of it, and awaking images instead of explaining. So, let’s go a little further:

We can cut expose into three practical categories at this point, for writing/editing purposes :

1. Expose that can be tweaked on the spot (sometimes). And

2.  Expose that takes planning.

3. Villain expository

Let’s look at each of them closer:

1.     Expose that can be tweaked on the spot (sometimes)

Most of these types of expository can be tweaked and reworked on the spot, through editing:

·        Actions through physicality, body language, tone, etc, that help us understand a character better… also…

·        world building through doing rather than telling - acting within the world: like, pulling the shutters if it’s too bright, or making the coffee in the futuristic coffee pot instead of explaining that it’s futuristic and works as follows, etc.

But the other type of expository to be fixed, is something that takes more planning... and really from the get go. And that’s not so tweakable expose: Interweaving info dumps throughout the story for plot necessity.  (Not so easily tweakable)

Let’s go through the easier, tweak-on-the-spot expose, a little further:

·        Expository in action. Shrugs, body language, scars: Physical things that tell the story for you.

A) Whether it's a personality trait (hard and quiet, soft and meek, well-fed and fat, thin and starving, alone and craving companionship, hurt and craving silence, tough life not needing people, etc.... )

B) Or a physical thing itself: a scar, an ability (martial arts, driving, knife throwing, mechanic, etc...)....

C) Or a character’s expression: such as a reaction. A shrug instead of saying someone doesn’t care, a wince instead of saying someone was hurt by what was said, an eye roll  instead of saying someone is annoyed, etc...

D) or lastly, an action itself, instead of an explanation of an action.  (think futuristic coffee-pot)

Frankly, this is simply writing technique, and can be worked on without significant changes to a script. Unless of course you decide your character now needs ninja-knife throwing abilities to show the childhood she had growing up in an ancient army of the dead… that’s gonna take a little more than tweaking.

Which takes us to our next type of expository writing:

2.                 Expose that takes planning,

or expository told through storytelling. This is the more difficult task. It takes structuring; intertwining info in small snippets throughout your plot. This takes crafting, outlining, knowing your story.

TIP: Slight tip here… when you’re struggling with this, and say trying to avoid having the main character talk about their past in an info-dump, consider having other characters tell the expose snippet… but do it as quickly as possible.

Example:

      What's her issue?" I asked, still nurturing my shot ego back to life.

      "Don't ask." Libby said with a shake of her petite head.

      "Too late."

      She sighed, but offered nothing.

      "What?” I pushed. I could feel my mouth twitch into an ugly grimace, but couldn’t help myself. “We all have freakin’ issues, is hers so bad?"

      Libby’s eyes snapped up to mine, hard and cold. "Depends on whether you think seeing your entire family wiped out in front of you is bad, jackass."

      I felt my mouth open, but I couldn’t get anything out.

      She turned then, without another word, and walked away.

Now we know stuff about an entirely different character, and they weren’t even in the scene to tell us!

And lastly, this is a little side venture that’s more specific than the general aspects of expository writing we just covered... But it’s a thing of mine, a strong pet peeve, so I’m gonna talk about it like it’s its own type of expository.  (It’s really not… it’s actually part of story-telling expository, the “untweakable-quickly” type of expo. The type that needs awareness from the start of you crafting your ms).

AND THAT IS:

3.                 Villain expository!

This last type of expository really bothers me, to no end… but it’s the one that’s most rampant – because it’s the hardest to hide. It’s the hardest to weave into the story without giving certain plot twists away too early. And therefore, we’re more often than not, dealing with the Villain’s reasoning for what they’ve been doing all along, for really what is going on in the story, this reasoning and explanation offered in one large info dump. And what makes it worse, is that it normally comes smack at the end of the story, at the height of conflict. So there’s all this tension, and nerve, and action… and then, hang on a moment… let me explain my thoughts to you while you’re tied up and waiting for me to kill you.

Holding the protagonist hostage while the villain explains EVERYTHING, is never realistic, it always feels like an info dump… and it tends to push your reader to say to themselves: "Just kill him already."

If you work on anything, make sure you work on this. It takes good planning, and there is no quick fix.

Okay, on to the fun part: EXERCISES!

These are exercises to work on how to spot and tweak expository writing. I call these “exercises in fixing info-dump “one-liners” because these exercises deal with basic, quick-fix, line items.

Change spoken explanation to physicality, (shrugs, eye rolls, wry smiles etc…) I myself am a big fan of using body language and expressions as conversation elements. It not only creates feeling, but also replaces a lot of expository speech.

Annoyance: eye roll, exhale, loud sigh, arm crossing, jaw clenching, teeth grinding, balled fists, etc.

Anger: clenched fists, ball in the jaw (love that for a guys), eyes narrowed, nostril flares, hands moving somewhere – neck, hair, etc…

It helps to think of your own gestures, or what we see in movies (cause they’re dramatic) when people are showing an emotion. The ancient Greeks used to have specific hand gestures to show emotion. They were the same for every play – and they did this to make sure those who couldn’t hear, way back in the nosebleed seats, could still follow the show. Well, we’re kinda doing that here, but in a more natural way… So what are our natural gestures to convey emotions – especially when we are speechless.

Exercise 1

Let’s say these two are friends, but the guy is about to ask her to be more than just friends.

“So I was thinking…” he began. He was obviously nervous and uncertain. His confidence gone.  

I was amused at his weirdness and worry, and waited for an answer.

If she’s feeling amused, what would she do to convey that? What would anyone do to show that? Something without speaking. I was thinking a bemused smile. Have you ever done that? A friend’s acting weird and you just look at them like they’re crazy…

Let’s tweak these sentences a bit:

“So I was thinking…” he began. He was obviously nervous and uncertain. His confidence gone.  

Could be :

“So I was thinking…” he said, looking down, his left leg jittering like he was on crack.

And:

I was amused at his weirdness and worry, and waited for an answer.

could instead be. . .

I waited, holding his gaze, and unable to control bemused smile that spread my lips.

Full Change:

“So I was thinking…” he said, looking down, his left leg jittering like he was on crack.

I waited, holding his gaze, and unable to control bemused smile that spread my lips.

Exercise 2

Scene on street between two friends. One has listened to the others petty problems for a very long time, and finally can’t any longer.

      “Janey, I can’t stand any more of your bull, I need a break.”

      “What?” Janey looked at me, really hurt by what I just said. But I didn’t care. I was sick of it, sick of her, and sick of all her crap.

      “What do you-”

      “Whatever,” I said cutting her off, not wanting to talk anymore, not wanting to explain myself. I turned and walked away, so I wouldn’t have to.

Okay, let’s start with Janey being hurt – how can we convey Janey’s hurt without saying she is hurt? How about we make her features cracking a bit.

Her face broke a little, the crease between her eyes deepening. “What?”

And now… how do we convey that the protag doesn’t care, doesn’t even want to explain? This is a harder action to work out. But again, rely on your own reactions.

“Janey, I can’t stand any more of your bull, I need a break.”

Her face broke a little, the crease between her eyes deepening. “What?”

I felt so tired, sick even. I just couldn’t do this anymore.

“What do you-“

“Whatever,” I cut her off, shaking my head out of this conversation completely, then stalked away.

Just a quick note here… obviously these exercises are extreme – for exercise sake. Your whole novel doesn’t want to be a sequence of facial expressions that replace all language. But using these replacement wisely and even leaning towards them more than explanation, can create an energy within the pages of your novel. It’s action, It keeps the reader alert and imagining – working. Instead of simply being fed a story.

Exercise 3

The next example is more show me how your world works instead of telling me. It’s world based, and is just as important as character based. There are way too many sci-fi prologues out there that explain every detail of how a world works before we even get to the action. Start with action, your reader is smart, they’ll get it.

Angry, Deidre ran to her small space cruiser, the size of car, which would take her far away from here and well into space if she wanted. It was a spaceship after all. Most teens had them her on Zion. She got in, and put her thumb to the print-activated ignition scan button to turn on the small ship. At her touch it vibrated then jolted to life. She grabbed the wheel of the ship, then took the motor-boat like throttle in her hand, pulling back to the fastest position. She was an avid driver, and liked to go fast, so she wasn’t surprised at the lurch in her stomach when the ship took off into the atmosphere, heading towards space.

Okay, before we discuss, read this one in comparison.

Deidre jumped into the cruiser and slammed her thumb on the ignition button. The ship rumbled, then sparked to life, jolting her body forward before idling. She took the wheel and slammed the accelerator back at full throttle, feeling the comfy lurch in her stomach as the cruiser shot into the air towards the break in the horizon between sky and stars.

What do you like better?

I personally prefer two – I believe you should say what you need to say in as little words as possible… and actions help that.