Ten Things Writers Say, and What They Really Mean

I read this on Patty Froese blog and laughed so hard I have to share.
My thoughts are in italics.

A book is a labor of love.

Nineteen hours in drug-free hard labor with my daughter was easier, actually.
For me it was the hours of labor while my hubby and the nurse watch some golf!

Being a professional writer is an interesting and rewarding career.
(Check for the crossed fingers on this sztatement.)
Be anything but a professional writer. Don't make me beg you.
Yeah, I'll just die if I have to compete against someone I know.

I'm always thinking about my story, even when I'm shopping at the market.
I'm always thinking about . . . hey, are those chocolate-frosted donuts on sale?
And like hey, can I use that comment in that scene...becareful what you say out there!

I'm so glad you enjoyed the book.
I'm so glad your e-mail was a nice one because I just ran out of Valium. and chocolate...

Maybe Publishing is tough, but I love the competition.
Maybe Wal-Mart is hiring.
Don't you dare write anything worth reading...

My editor is thoughtful with responses and is making me a better writer.
My editor hasn't answered my e-mail and is making me crazy.
Where is she when I need her the most?   One hour to deadline. Dang was the Eastern Time or Pacific?

So you want to write a book? That's great.
Please don't ask me to help you write your book.
Plesze don't have the guts to finish it!

Sure, I can wait another six weeks for payment to be approved.
Sure, I can pawn my wedding rings again. Do you have any recipes for making something edible out of ketchup and beans?
You're lucky I pawned my pistol last week.

Writing a synopsis isn't so bad. You just have to think about it.
Writing a synopsis makes me break out in hives but I'm too poor to hire someone to do it for me.
Telling every other author how to write their synopsis isn't bad, but mine is impossible.

You will absolutely love holding your first book in your hands.
You will scream like an air raid siren, shake like you're standing naked in a blizzard and then cry like a teething baby while clutching your first book in your hands. P.S., don't let them videotape it.
Yeah, you'll do the exact same thing when you download it off of Amazon on the ornery little Kindle. I'll show you Kindle Fire!